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a residential pile of vomit known as a 'colonial-style' house, characterised by vinyl siding, paste-on shutters, and gypsum board covering every interior wall and ceiling. Named [for the five] windows on the second floor, and centered main entry door flanked by two windows on either side. Often, they are accompanied by a paste-on two-car garage which serves as the real main entry door for the house, even though the gas-guzzling soccer-mom-mobile known as an Expedition or Escalade is too big to fit inside. The cancerous sprawling suburbs of [Northern Virginia] (NoVA) are the five, four, and a door capital of the world. The arch-nemesis of [architecture]. The domicile of yuppies. The telltale sign of facadomy at work.
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