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noun: a game played by fairies also known as AFL, or Australian Rules Football. This so-called “Australian” rules code is in fact completely ignored by more than half of Australia.

verb: the act of playing AFL. Typically, a game of AFL begins with grown men poking and prodding each other, then slapping a ball from the air. After this, a player takes possession and must kick or hand pass while avoiding another grown who is chasing him around the field. After he kick or hand passes, it is customary for a player to giggle like a schoolgirl; this can happen in a variety of pitches (frequencies) from “barely discernible to a cat” all the way to “just discernible to an infant human”; this is called a disposal. If the other team takes possession it is called a turnover, and they must then follow the same process. Following this, the process is repeated about 1000 times on each side. Teams score for getting the ball in between the posts and also for missing. The team with the highest score wins. Kick and giggle is televised on “Channel 7” and “FOX Footy” with most games occurring on a weekend and public holidays and some games occurring of an evening.

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