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A whiny little bitch, who doesn't know the jack shit about anything, but jerking off. He is, and will die a virgin, and has a penis the size of a Lego piece. If you so much as touch an Ethan, he will scream at you in a furious rage, crying and accusing you in any way possible. When in the rage, they somehow manage to summon the strength to chuck full sized live horse. An Ethan weighs 300 pounds and never works out and only eats chick-fil-a. Either that, or at the age of 34 is only three feet tall, and weighs 90 pounds. He has also has found a way to suck his own dick, and does it all day, and lives in his parent's attic, because his other siblings have already occupied the basement. At least it's better than a cardboard box! An Ethan has an unbelievable collection of useless and pointless talents, such as playing video games, and identifying and type of part in a dollar bill. He is also extremely ugly, and smells worse than shit, and only has a couple teeth remaining in his head. He also has a head the size of a beach ball, but his face is as big as ping-pong ball.

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