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Colonel Sandurz: How about you two? Found anything yet? Black Gaurd: We ain't found shit!   Colonel Sandurz: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!   Dark Helmet: I bet she gives great helmet.    Ludicrous speed, GO!   Dark Helmet: Out of order? FUCK! Even in the future, nothing works!   President Skroob: Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!   Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because "good is dumb."   Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?    Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?  Maj. Asshole: I did, sir. He's my cousin.  Dark Helmet: Who is he?  Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole, sir.  Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name?  Col. Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.  Dark Helmet: And his cousin?  Col. Sandurz: He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.  Dark Helmet: How many Assholes we got on this ship, any how?  Everyone: Yo!  Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes!    Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you handle it.    Dark Helmet: WHAT? You went over my helmet?   Dark Helm.: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie? Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now. Dark Helm.: What hapened to then? Colonel Sandurz: We passed then. Dark Helm.: When? Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now now. Dark Helm.: Go back to then. Colonel Sandurz: When? Dark Helm.: Now! Colonel Sandurz: Now? Dark Helm.: Now! Colonel Sandurz: I can't. Dark Helm.: Why? Colonel Sandurz: We missed it. Dark Helm.: When? Colonel Sandurz: Just now. Dark Helm.: When will then be now? Colonel Sandurz: Soon.   Dark Helm.: Knock on my door! Knock next time! Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir! Dark Helm.: Did you see anything? Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with you dolls again. Dark Helm.: Good!   Guard: What the hell are you doing? Lone Star: The Vulcan neck pinch?   Dark Helm.: Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!"

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