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Tubicus was a great [orangutan] warlord who ruled over [northeast asia] during the Yin dynasty. He used to wear the heads of enemys in a chain around his neck and was renouned for his ferousity. He died [in the middle] of the Mai dynasty when a jealous contender for his throne took matters into their own hands and rammed a white hot poker up his ass. He was buried on top of Mount Syan and the whole of Asia spent 3 months in mourning.
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