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If you wanted to go to a Southern school, but Duke and U.Va weren't for you because they've enrolled too many "coloreds," and, besides, you had a 670 combined SAT and 1.9 GPA from a random [Virginia day] school, you're headed to Hampden-Sydney.  There, you and a group of like-minded Abercrombie & Fitch-sporting retards can whittle away four years drinking, listening to Creedence, banging skanks from Sweetbriar, drinking, and pretending that the South won [the War of Northern Aggression].  You can also pretend that the fact that you're wearing a cowrie shell necklace under J. Crew flannels makes you rebellious, that the fact that you're wearing a "Fighting Cocks" baseball cap makes you witty, and that the fact that you attended HSC will make you a useful and productive member of society.  If you don't ever want to face the fact that the world expands Westward of the mighty [Mississippi] and northward of the Mason Dixon line, HSC is a great place to start putting your head in the sand and your thumb up your ass.

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