Soccer
Soccer is one of the most popular sports in the world. Its played by overpaid sissy men on a field you could land a 747 on. The goalies defend a net you could park a semi trailer in which is the hardest job on the field. Sometimes goalies are expected to stop in excess of three shots per game. The most frequently used strategy in soccer involves lying on the the field and writhing around and crying at the smallest semblance of physical contact. Often times when no contact has even occurred but the refs weren't looking. This will get you a free shot that will probably miss the net anyways because hitting a 40 foot wide net is somehow hard. Sure soccer players can run for extended periods of time as if that is supposed to get me to respect them. Who cares? They should try playing ice hockey where you have to skate the whole time with a lot of equipment on and can't run out of bounds like the girly soccer players. In fact I defy any soccer player to willingly jump in front of a 110 mph shot. Soccer is also a convenient excuse to display cultural and racial intolerance in the form of riots and murder. Property damage is also usually on display before during and after a soccer match. Because if watching a 4 hour game that ends in a 0-0 tie with 4 shots on goal between teams doesn't make you want to trample children and throw Molotov's at the police I don't know what will. But as long as they can run around for extended periods of time most of Europeans will love it.
Jesus that soccer match sure was boring. I fell asleep halfway through because it's just a bunch of guys running around not doing anything. But at least it picked up with the post game race riot.
By Hartford A. Thickewhistle