cougar
Overview:In Western Canada, cougar is an unflattering word used to describe a middle-aged woman who prowls the bars in search of younger men. Not to be confused with hooker, gold-digger or hootch.
Demographic: The cougar has typically been divorced or is a single mother who has had children at a very young age and is trying to relive her lost youth. Her occupation tends to be that of the pink collar variety: administrative assistant, government worker, or receptionist for oil-field equipment companies. They can also be sighted working for policing organizations because of easy access to fresh [meat] in the form of young recruits. The Western Candian Cougar loves men, and despises all women, especially young, better educated women whom she fears may steal her [job]. She sees her main role in the workplace as that of [snitch] and clock-watcher for the office manager, and never hesitates to tattle on truants or tardy co-workers. The Western Cougars can be seen at 9:30 am and 2:30 pm, smoking in groups outside of any office building, glaring at passerby and simpering for any passing men.
Dress: The Western [Canadian] cougar dresses in cheap, tight clothing bought in the Juniors department of Stitches or the Garage Clothing Company. It is extremely important to the Western [Canadian] Cougar that she stills fits into Junior-sized clothing, as poorly-fitting and inappropriate as it may be because it proves that she still has her fabulous bod even after years of smoking, babies, and drinking.
Makeup: Consists of a hard scrawl of black eye-liner on both upper and lower lids, pink pearlescent lisptick, and wrinkles inadvertantly emphasized by a [real] or fake tan. This is a very important indicator for those observing the Western [Canadian] Cougar, in particular, lip wrinkles and pouchy eyes. The Western [Canadian] Cougar does not have easy access to plastic surgery, and such defects may be inexpertly camoflaged with bad bronzer and/or clotted concealer.
Hair colour: Predominantly blonde with black roots (although matte black or matte burgundy has also been spotted in some regions), over-processed and over-layered. Hair length is always long. Nails are usually [square]-tipped and French-manicured, however long, spoon-shaped, and coated with chipped silver polish is also a [popular] variant in some regions.
Accessories: The Western [Canadian] Cougar never leaves her house without her smokes, her cell phone, and a bottle of loud perfume such as Obsession, Shalimar, Poison, or Giorgio, lavishly applied regardless of occasion. The Western [Canadian] Cougar knows that there is no better cover-up for "[bar] smell" [like] a squirt of Giorgio applied in the women's washroom at intermission.
Prey: Young guys in voluminous quantity, any [time], any where, but usually only for one night.
Habitat: Bars, offices, malls, trailer parks, high density housing developments, row housing.
Gawd, Helen in accounting is such a cougar: she [got] drunk at the [support] staff conference and went home with a 17 year-[old] guy she met at the hotel.
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