Edward Cullen
A fictional character, and primary love interest of the first person narrator Isabella Swan in Stephenie Meyer's 'Twilight' series. He lives in Forks, Washington. He is a Meyerpire, a being that suffers from a psychosis leading him to believe he is a 'vampire'. A one hundred and eight year old virgin (until the latest installment 'Breaking Dawn'), he is trapped in the body of a seventeen year old boy, sparkles in the sunlight, has the ability to move super fast (despite the fact that he is described as 'marble-like') and has a wide variety of 'speshul' powers. He is adored by teenage girls and Catholic priests alike, and is so 'perfect' in every way that he actually shits flowers. He later becomes the father of Renesmee (Affectionately referred to as 'Nessie' and 'Renestard'), a half-Meyerpire, half-human hybrid who is also 'perfect' and is imprinted on by the self-styled Pedo-Wolf Jacob Black. He is often used as a reference for unimpressive or ‘pussy’ vampires, despite the fact that he is not in fact a vampire. See also: Stalker.
"I like glitter... does that make me gay?" "If you're Edward Cullen."
By Sayer of Many Truths