Surface Warfare
Surface Warfare: A big pain in the ass fraction of the United States Navy. One of the grossest miscalculations of adequately spent tax dollars in history. Commonly employs "Hansel and Gretel" techniques to recruit young, vulnerable, and generally ignorant young men into a workforce of pissed off sailors. Recruits young women to satisfy the overly horny young men while underway. (Note: while some young men like to satisfy each other, it is "not gay underway") Here, you can look forward to getting a new boss every two years who has never been on a ship, does not know anything about what you do, and proceeds to tell you how you could do your job better. You eat food that is rejected by the penal system. You sleep in a bed bigger than most toddler cribs, in a noisy room full of 40 other people (most notably the flatulent Filipino above you who masturbates every night by reciting poems in Tagalic.) You live your life on the edge, only ever knowing when you will leave work when the work list is checked over at lunchtime. Your boss has no problem setting you to port and starboard watches, and leaving at noon. You are used to coming back into port on Monday, because coming in Friday night would cost an extra $2,000 vice the $10,000 it costs to stay underway until Monday. If ever you get too comfortable where you are, you will be relocated, free of cost, to a shit hole in the middle of a desert. This is known as IA, or "Improper Allocation." Those who try to get out are promoted, and those who want to stay in get forced out. Officers come in several varieties. First, there is an LDO. This officer has felt the pain of the bluejackets, and strives to protect them as he turns his wrath toward the rest of the wardroom. Second is an OCS Grad. This officer has a lackadaisical approach to leading people and really treats the Navy as more of a hobby. Third is the Academy Grad. These officers put themselves above everyone else, and consider any mundane task beneath them. They have no problem relaying their perceived inferiority of all other officers. (See United States Naval Academy) Finally, there is the NROTC Grad. This officer remains bitter that they had a taste of life, and still chose to imprison themselves in mediocrity. As an officer, you begin your career by stabbing other officers in the back, stepping on your division to get medals, and lying about war incidents to earn purple hearts (see examples). As you are promoted, your goal becomes to demean your subordinates, and see how much humiliation they can take before they turn against each other. Your other hobbies include putting two scorpions in a shoebox and shaking it to see if they sting each other.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
I am gonna buy it and give it to my nine year old brother
Super Funny Mug 😂
best mug ever spittin nothin but fax
i fucking hate your mugs and shirts
awesome product!
This mug made me to from a Level 1 Crook to Level 100 Mafia Boss instantly. I ascended to the heavens above when it came to the door and God himself told me "your a boss now cuh" and i descended feeling very powerful. Next thing I knew everyone loved me. However 4/5 stars because now I have too many fans and one is holding me hostage.... help
The mug is awesome, the yellow color is great but green is also good, the scream mug is the best mug in my entyre live!!! I can't imagine my life without this mug, i cant stop buing it.... I have like 30 mugs every color in this site and also i'm ordered a new one, please help me.
It is amazing I was having a bad day and I read this. My name is Evan and this made me happy
This mug made me horny.
looks perfect!!! we loved it
I ordered 4 of your mugs -- and have received 3; hopefully, the 4th is on its way! So far, I've received "fame," "620," and "$" ... only needing "hulo." ...It might be a matter of me being patient, that the 4th mug is on its way. However, the 3 received SO far are all EXCEPTIONAL, in every way!!! Mark Moilanen
I love this mug with a burning passion in my heart, I have purchased 7 of these mugs and intend to continue. This mug has changed my life for the better
it's the best mug of the world !!!!!
wow! this mug is so thoughtful to giving to my wife!
The description tells nothing but facts. 5 stars instant
Your description is right on, except in 1989 I named my daughter Kallen Mikel (www.kallenmikel.com/original-art). I thought I made up the name, but apparently, it originated as a boy's name in Greek and Hebrew. I first found this out in 2001 when I was traveling to Finland. In the 'tube food' section in a big Finnish supermarket there it was, a royal blue tube of salmon paste with a blonde-haired boy named Kallen! So now I have discovered that there are many Kallen's of both sexes. I want to buy her a cup, but it has 'him' on it. Is there any way you can make that a unisex description for both sexes? Just askin'. Being a Barbara (Barbs) myself ... a 'cake eater' from Edina, MN I had to ask ... haha ;-)
Thank you for the mug. It arrived fast and exceeded my expectations.
I loved my mug and it came in a timely fashion.
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